// // _____ __ __ // / ___/ / /_ _____ ____ _ ____ ____/ / // \__ \ / __// ___// __ `// __ \ / __ / // ___/ // /_ / / / /_/ // / / // /_/ / // /____/ \__//_/ \__,_//_/ /_/ \__,_/ // // Copyright (©) Strand Games 2023. // // This program is free software: you can redistribute it and/or modify it // under the terms of the GNU Lesser General Public License (LGPL) as published // by the Free Software Foundation, either version 3 of the License, or (at // your option) any later version. // // This program is distributed in the hope that it will be useful, but WITHOUT // ANY WARRANTY; without even the implied warranty of MERCHANTABILITY or // FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. See the GNU Lesser General Public License // for more details. // // You should have received a copy of the GNU Lesser General Public License // along with this program. If not, see . // // // info@strandgames.com // STORY images/cover1.webp [Strand Games](https://strandgames.com) \n\n Welcome to "**Beat Me Up Scotty**". **Content Warning:** Bad Language (especially bad writing), Blood and Gore, Alcohol abuse, Murder, Death, a Werewolf, Sex and Violence and Deception. BEGIN \ UPDATEMAP INTRO \ > set PLAYER maxscore 17 GOBAR MAIN INTRO \ Do you want the intro? INTRO1 INTRO1? * yes DOINTRO OK, let's go. * no NOINTRO NOINTRO * Intros are for lamers. * Yeah, you don't need _that_. * Good idea. * Yeah, intros are for wusses in yellow outfits. * Whoever reads manuals anyway. DOINTRO **Disclaimer:** This game has nothing to do with a certain TV and film production. Any similarity to persons dead, alive or _fictional_ is purely coincidental. And even if it isn't, there isn't a problem as this work is non-commercial fan art. Furthermore, this content consists exclusively of material that _didn't_ happen together with lines that were _never_ said. **So there!** Anybody still arguing will have to see the werewolf. **Werewolf?** Well yeah, why wouldn't there be a werewolf? I mean, it's not my fault if you keep thinking this is based on a sci-fi TV series. Anyway, werewolves are science fiction, aren't they? Or are they horror? Well, yeah definitely horror. Except for the comedies. But it's still a kind of science fiction. I guess. Now you've gone and confused me and I'm not sure. Hmm, well I'll just leave all that for you to decide. Anyway, let's get on with it. Doo-do, do, doo, d'd-do dooo... audio/trek14theme.ogg:volume:10 images/tosscore1-gig633.webp Here is the title music. Rendered on an 8-bit [\TRS-80](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/\TRS-80) from 1979. It's so hopeless it doesn't actually have sound capability. Instead you have to wiggle the pins up and down on the cassette port at the correct rates to generate a horrible sort of wave. Then plug that into a tape recorder to actually get the sound. \ Just to remind you that this isn't the title music of any TV production, as no-doubt you have realised. It's so poor as to be barely recognisable in any case. Any similarity is therefore _entirely_ in your imagination. Like, it could be _anything_. MORE Enough of the terrible "music" already! If it hasn't stopped there's a menu option. Now where was I? Oh yeah, I better tell you how the game works. This isn't regular parser \IF. For sure, it's definitely _irregular_! It's all about **catch phrases**. You are presented with a sequence of bizarre situations the answer to which is a **catch phrase**. Sure, you can do the usual \IF things, but it's not the usual puzzle solving with objects, it's catch phrase _quizz_. As Bones would say, "It's \IF Jim, but not as we know it." To complete each situation you have to type in the correct catch phrase which involves guessing the first word which _always_ starts with "B". If you get it right you score a point and move on to the next one. Let me give you an example: _You're on an uncharted planet. Now, you're surrounded by nasty alien creatures with vicious fangs and claws. Spock and Bones have lost their shit, yelling at each other. The red shirts are all dead. Your phasers are drained and Scotty's back on the ship taking it easy._ You might say: **Beam me up Scotty** Which is the right answer. _All_ the answers follow the same phrase pattern; **b-something me up Scotty**. _All_ answers start with the letter "B". One last thing, if you get really stuck, you can type **pass**. Good luck! MORE COMMON@ * run No time for that! * beam me up scotty BEAMUP * beam me BEAMUP * beam up NOSENSE * shoot THING SHOOTUP * stun THING SHOOTUP BEAMUP * Scotty, "But I'm here with you Capt'n." * Scotty, "But you never actually said that Capt'n." SHOOTUP That's against Starfleet regs. NOSENSE * Nonsense. * Rubbish! * What drivel you talk. * What are you talking about. INNUENDO I don't think so! NOBEER Free beer tomorrow, apparently. PASS LOSESOUND * OK, we'll skip this one. * Pah! That one was easy. * Imagine not being able to guess that! * OK, but try harder on the next one. HERE2 > put spock in here > put scotty in here HERE3 HERE2 > put bones in here BAR@ INSIDE COMMON * name the biker bar * x it You're in a tough-guy biker bar. Everyone here looks mean as Hell. They've all got tats, knives and scars. Several of the [bikers] are glancing your way, probably put out by your wussy yellow outfit and the general lack of black leather, studs and chains. [Spock]'s gone to get the beers in and [Scotty]'s here talking shit as usual. You'd better do something fast! * beat me up scotty BARDO * beat up me BARDO * beat me NOSENSE * bar2 // cheat GOBAR2 * gym // cheat GOGYM * road // cheat GOROAD * winsound WINSOUND * losesound LOSESOUND * pass PASS GOSICKBAY * x BEERS NOBEER GOBAR > put player in BAR HERE2 XHERE BARDO WIN INCSCORE Scotty punches you squarely on the nose. Claret splatters everywhere! That _hurt!_ Next thing, you're both on the floor flailing about, punching wildly like schoolboys. How _dare_ he hit so hard, the **git**! The bikers laugh so hard they wet themselves. Well, at least you got out of that situation. GOSICKBAY BIKERS@ MAN > put it in BAR * name the bikers * name biker * name tats * name knives * name scars * x it The bikers all look hard as nails. Not at all bothered about using unnecessary violence. Or, as they would put it, _necessary_ violence. * talk to it They don't look the sort up for a chat. You need to do something to distract them. * distract it How? OUTFIT@ GARMENT > put it on player * name wussy yellow outfit * label the wussy yellow outfit * x it You think you look better in blue, but best not let on. BEERS@ THING * name the beers * name beer * name drinks SICKBAY@ INSIDE COMMON * name sickbay * name sick bay * name medicals * x it You're back on the ship in sickbay. [Blood] spurts out in slow motion, you need to stop it, but you're toughing it out. Bones and the [nurses] are having a party. _Bastard_. Well, you did tell him there's be no need for medical whilst in orbit. [Scotty]'s not so good at the med stuff, but it'll have to do. After all, it was _his_ fault. * bandage me up scotty DOSICKBAY * bandage me up DOSICKBAY * bandage me NOSENSE * pass PASS GOBRIDGE1 GOSICKBAY > put player in SICKBAY HERE2 XHERE DOSICKBAY Scotty does his best to stem the blood. It's not great. How come he hasn't a scratch. He claims you're a southern softy. WIN INCSCORE \ Suddenly you're summoned to the bridge urgently. Oh, not another crisis! GOBRIDGE1 BLOOD@ THING > put it in SICKBAY * name the blood * x it You have to stop the bleeding with something. * stop it NOBLOOD * stem it NOBLOOD NOBLOOD You need Scotty's help. NURSES@ THING > put it in SICKBAY * name the nurses * name party * x it Everyone's in a party with Bones. You weren't invited. * talk to it NURSETALK * ask it about THING NURSETALK NURSETALK They're not here, they're at the party. You're not invited. BRIDGE@ INSIDE COMMON * name the bridge * name ship SCANNER@ THING > put it in BRIDGE * name the scanner * x it It's that thing with the blue light. Whatever it does. COMPUTER@ THING > put it in BRIDGE * name the science computer * x it Apparently, they haven't got realistic voice synthesis even in the 23rd century. CHAIR@ THING > put it in BRIDGE * name the captain's chair * x it Wow, it takes up so much space. But there are no wheels on it. BRIDGE1@ BRIDGE * x it The ship is surrounded by Klingons. They've already taken out the warp drive and getting ready for the killshot. The situation is dire. Your mind flashes back to the [Corbormite Manoeuvre]. Self-destruct might be an option. You have to tell [Scotty] what to do. [Spock] just stares into the scanner. [Bones] is on the "medial" [turps] and already legless. * blow me up DOBRIDGE1 * blow me up scotty DOBRIDGE1 * blow me INNUENDO * bomb me up DOBRIDGE1 * bomb me up scotty DOBRIDGE1 * bomb me NOSENSE * pass PASS GOBRIDGE2 GOBRIDGE1 > put player in BRIDGE1 HERE3 XHERE KLINGONS@ THING > put it in BRIDGE1 * name the Klingons * name kaang * x it As ugly as ever. Except for that Klingon female you once pulled. Or was that Spock? The sly fox. CORBORMITE@ THING > put it in BRIDGE1 * name the Corbormite manoeuvre * name corbormite * x it Some shit you once pulled, where you almost blew up the ship. What larks! TERPS@ THING > put it in BRIDGE1 * name the turps * name terps * x it Australian euphemism for cheap booze. DOBRIDGE1 WIN INCSCORE You engage the ship's emergency self destruct sequence as a bluff to the Klingons, gambling they'll back off (why do ships always have a self-destruct?). \ Oh dear, it didn't work. The Klingons just laugh. For them it's a victory to be killed in battle. For amusement though, they allow you an extra few minutes before they open fire. And for Klaang to get the beers in. GOBRIDGE2 BRIDGE2@ BRIDGE * x it Comms is down again. Just when you need to get a distress signal out. Most likely [Scotty]'s fiddling with the ship's computer again. Why cant he leave it alone. [Spock] says Scotty's installing some critical security updates, but the the ship will need switching _off and on again_. * boot me up scotty DOBRIDGE2 * boot me up DOBRIDGE2 * boot me NOSENSE * pass PASS GOBRIDGE3 GOBRIDGE2 > put player in BRIDGE2 HERE2 XHERE DOBRIDGE2 You tell Scotty to pull the ship's power. It works! The Klingons are confused over what's going on. You nevertheless need to get out of there **fast**. WIN INCSCORE GOBRIDGE3 BRIDGE3@ BRIDGE * x it You need warp speed in three minutes or you're all dead! Scotty's heard it all before. "No more deadlines in the sand." But this time its for real. [Scotty] says he "canna' do it" unless he cuts corners. Something like, a big _massive_ [kludge]. * bodge me up scotty DOBRIDGE3 * bodge me up DOBRIDGE3 * bodge me NOSENSE * pass PASS GOCOR1 GOBRIDGE3 > put player in BRIDGE3 HERE2 XHERE KLUDGE@ THING > put it in BRIDGE3 * name the kludge * x it A kind of cobbled together hack beginning with B. DOBRIDGE3 Scotty re-routes the power through the air conditioning and pushes everything to max. It works, you have warp drive unless someone uses the bathroom hand dryer. You don't wait. While the Klingons are arguing, you zoom out of the quadrant. Phew! Another close shave. You decide to take it easy for a while. WIN INCSCORE GOCOR1 COR1@ INSIDE COMMON * name the corridor * x it You're wandering the corridors. Randomly you learn Scotty and [Bones] are organising a luxury holiday on a tropical planet island to get away from all the Starfleet \BS. Even Spock is tempted. [Scotty]'s here and wants to know if you're interested. * book me up scotty DOCOR1 * book me up DOCOR1 * book me NOSENSE * beach me up scotty DOCOR1 * beach me up DOCOR1 * beach me NOSENSE * pass PASS GOPLANET1 GOCOR1 > put player in COR1 HERE3 XHERE DOCOR1 Good plan. You're all set and decide to beam down. Spock's got his shades and Bones has his flip-flops and shorts. WIN INCSCORE GOPLANET1 PLANET1@ OUTSIDE COMMON * name the strange planet * x it But, as usual, you beam down to the strange planet without properly checking it out first. [Bones] isn't too bothered, there's only a mystery alien force trying to kill everyone. Two [red shirts] are already dead. [Scotty] says it's _your fault_ and worse, he's the only one left wearing red. * blame me up DOPLANET1 * blame me up scotty DOPLANET1 * blame me NOSENSE * pass PASS GOPLANET2 GOPLANET1 > put player in PLANET1 HERE3 XHERE DOPLANET1 That as it might be, or not, you all have to get out. Rather than solve the mystery of the alien force, you all decide to **run away**. It was Spock's logical suggestion. WIN INCSCORE GOPLANET2 ALIEN@ THING > put it in PLANET1 * name the alien mystery force * name alien * x it You hope it's not that woman all covered in hair again. REDSHIRT@ THING > put it in PLANET1 * name the red shirts * x it Extras who wear red. They're dead Jim! PLANET2@ OUTSIDE COMMON * name the desert island * x it Now you're stranded on a desert island. How did that happen. Anyway, [Spock] thinks he can convert his [tricorder] into a teleporter. You know he's just bragging, it can't be done without at least 1.21 jiggwatts. [Bones] is topping up his tan. [Scotty] thinks he's got a simple escape plan by building a [raft]. * boat me up DOPLANET2 * boat me up scotty DOPLANET2 * boat me NOSENSE * pass PASS GOTRIAL GOPLANET2 > put player in PLANET2 HERE3 XHERE RAFT@ THING > put it in PLANET2 * name the raft * name logs * x it He wants to make a kind of boat made of logs lashed together. DOPLANET2 You help Scotty cobble together a makeshift raft type boat from old logs, and you're set to go. Spock calculates the chances of sinking are 92.7%. Bones isn't impressed. You tell them to get a grip and get with it. Reluctantly, you all set sail. \ Moments later, the raft is sinking. Luckily Spock has managed to get a communicator fix using the tricorder as a booster. Just as the raft is sinking into the mud, you're all beamed up. Wow, that was close! WIN INCSCORE GOTRIAL TRIAL@ INSIDE COMMON * name the trial * x it Bad news. You're on trial for insubordination, **again**. Things aren't going too well this time. You've been accused of using Starfleet equipment for personal use (as usual). You come up with a half-baked excuse and smile a lot, but they're not buying it. You need [Scotty] to _vouch for you_. * back me up DOTRIAL * back me up scotty DOTRIAL * back me NOSENSE * bail me up scotty DOTRIAL * bail me up DOTRIAL * bail me NOSENSE * big me up scotty DOTRIAL * big me up DOTRIAL * big me NOSENSE * barrister me up scotty DOTRIAL * barrister me up DOTRIAL * barrister me NOSENSE * pass PASS GOBAR2 GOTRIAL > put player in TRIAL HERE2 XHERE DOTRIAL Scotty gives testimony that, for _whatever_ you're accused of, there was **no** other option and, if you didn't do _whatever_ you did, it would be **the end of life as we know it**. \ Amazingly, they believe him, and you're let off and given another medal! To celebrate, you all go to the Starfleet bar to get properly plastered. WIN INCSCORE GOBAR2 BAR2@ INSIDE COMMON * name Starfleet Bar * x it You're in the Starfleet bar, reminiscing the good old days with [Scotty]. Bones is under the table and [Spock]'s on that [weird blue liquor]. Scotty's sunk 6 expensive [whiskys] already and your glass is empty and it's _his round_. * beer me up scotty DOBAR2 * beer me up DOBAR2 * beer me NOSENSE * bottle me up scotty DOBAR2 * bottle me up DOBAR2 * bottle me NOSENSE * booze me up scotty DOBAR2 * booze me up DOBAR2 * booze me NOSENSE * binge me up scotty DOBAR2 * binge me up DOBAR2 * binge me NOSENSE * pass PASS GODISCO GOBAR2 > put player in BAR2 HERE2 XHERE DOBAR2 Scotty finally gets the beers in. After getting tanked up, you all think it's a good idea go to the disco. WIN INCSCORE GODISCO LIQUOR@ THING > put it in BAR2 * name the blue weird liquor * x it Not your cup of tea. * drink it SPOCKNO * get it SPOCKNO SPOCKNO Abruptly Spock stops you, "Hands off my beer Captain!" WHISKY@ THING > put it in BAR2 * name the whiskys * name whiskey * x it Scotty's quaffed 'em unfortunately. GLASS@ THING > put it in BAR2 * name the glass * x it It's conspicuously empty. DISCO@ INSIDE COMMON * name the retro disco * x it You're in the _retro_ disco. [Bones] says he can do the moonwalk. [Spock] drily points out you've already been to the moon. [Scotty] says he can show you some new moves to _strut your stuff_. * boogie me up scotty DODISCO * boogie me up DODISCO * boogie me NOSENSE * bop me up scotty DODISCO * bop me up DODISCO * bop me NOSENSE * pass PASS GOBRIDGE4 GODISCO > put player in DISCO HERE3 XHERE DODISCO WIN INCSCORE Next day, you're back to work in the captain's chair. Your head hurts. GOBRIDGE4 BRIDGE4@ BRIDGE * x it Scotty's learning the [violin]. It's **awful**. A cross between someone strangling a cat and scraping a school blackboard with your nails. Everyone's being driven crazy by it. Bones has anaesthetised himself and [Uhura] has put her head in a bucket of water. Even [Spock] is cussing the science [computer]. You told [Scotty] he has to stop but he's got the right hump. Unless you can suggest a better _instrument_ for him to play, he's going to down tools. Perhaps something **traditional**. * bagpipe me up scotty DOBRIDGE4 * bagpipe me up DOBRIDGE4 * bagpipe me DOBRIDGE4 * bagpipes me up scotty DOBRIDGE4 * bagpipes me up DOBRIDGE4 * bagpipes me DOBRIDGE4 * pass PASS GOBRIDGE5 GOBRIDGE4 > put player in BRIDGE4 HERE3 XHERE DOBRIDGE4 It worked! Scotty's switched to the bagpipes. His playing is _still_ terrible. He's now strutting along the ship's corridors playing "A Long Way To The Top". Thankfully, it's restricted to the engineering decks. WIN INCSCORE GOBRIDGE5 VIOLIN@ THING > put it in BRIDGE4 * name the violin * x it No more please! BRIDGE5@ BRIDGE * x it Back on the bridge, you're hoping for some peace and quiet, just casual space cruising. **But no**. Apparently, Lt. [Uhura] has turned into a werewolf. _Huh?_ It seems though, she's still at her communications post. [Spock] says she's fine apart from eating raw meat, which is _totally_ "logical". And "fascinating". Bones is hiding. He's refused to treat her citing, "it's beyond science", "she's dead Jim" and shit like that. [Scotty] says there's a [herb] you should get to avoid being bitten. * bane me up scotty DOBRIDGE5 * bane me up DOBRIDGE5 * bane me NOSENSE * wolfbane me up SAYB * wolfbane me up scotty SAYB * wolfsbane me up SAYB * wolfsbane me up scotty SAYB * beast me up scotty OTHERWAY * beast me up OTHERWAY * bite me up scotty OTHERWAY * bite me up OTHERWAY * pass PASS GOGYM SAYB No, just the "B" bit! OTHERWAY No, you want to stop the werewolf from biting **you**! GOBRIDGE5 > put player in BRIDGE5 HERE2 XHERE HERB@ THING > put it in BRIDGE5 * name the herb * x it You know, that plant that wards off werewolves. DOBRIDGE5 You load up on wolfbane. Pongs a bit, but it's a long shot that might just work. One good thing, Commodore Wesley was on the blower with some timewasting mission delivering cheese, but Uhura just roared at him. And, just like that, he was _gone!_ WIN INCSCORE GOGYM GYM@ INSIDE COMMON * name the gym * x it You're in the gym with [Scotty], [Bones] and [Spock]. Spock says he doesn't need a workout as he's much stronger anyway, but Scotty points out he still looks a weed. Bones complains he's a hard gainer. Scotty's doing some serious weights, you gotta' find out his secret. * beef me up scotty DOGYM * beef me up DOGYM * beef me NOSENSE * bulk me up scotty DOGYM * bulk me up DOGYM * bulk me NOSENSE * big me up scotty DOGYM * big me up DOGYM * big me NOSENSE * build me up scotty DOGYM * build me up DOGYM * build me NOSENSE * barbell me up scotty DOGYM * barbell me up DOGYM * barbell me NOSENSE * bench me up scotty DOGYM * bench me up DOGYM * bench me NOSENSE * buff me up scotty DOGYM * buff me up DOGYM * buff me NOSENSE * pass PASS GOGYM2 GOGYM > put player in GYM HERE3 XHERE DOGYM Scotty tells you that it's _no pain, no gain_. But you're sure there's more to his technique. You'll find out somehow. WIN INCSCORE GOGYM2 GYM2@ INSIDE COMMON * name the gym * x it Scotty claims he's not only bulked up, but the most **senior engineer** in Starfleet. After all didn't he invent the trans-warp drive? He reckons captaining a ship is an _absolute doddle_. You consider letting **him** take the captain's chair and give orders for a while, see how _he_ likes it. * boss me up scotty DOGYM2 * boss me up DOGYM2 * boss me NOSENSE * pass PASS GOMALL GOGYM2 > put player in GYM2 HERE3 XHERE DOGYM2 Scotty doesn't like it in the captain's chair. He fidgets. And It's the wrong height, and there aren't enough controls to fiddle with. Scotty's bored and announces he's going shopping. Bones and Spock are on it. WIN INCSCORE GOMALL MALL@ INSIDE COMMON * name the shopping mall * x it You're all at the shopping mall. [Bones] has scored some kick-ass [shoes] and [Spock]'s got a new [tricorder] [bag]. [Scotty] says he knows a discount warehouse outlet with a super **sale** on. * bargain me up scotty DOMALL * bargain me up DOMALL * bargain me NOSENSE * buy me up scotty DOMALL * buy me up DOMALL * buy me NOSENSE * pass PASS GOROAD GOMALL > put player in MALL HERE3 XHERE SHOES@ THING > put it in MALL * name the kick-ass kick ass kickass shoes * x it Bones is really chuffed with them. BAG@ THING > put it in MALL * name the tricorder bag * x it Spock is really chuffed with it. Like a new handbag. DOMALL WIN INCSCORE **Three** hours later, you're all loaded up with shopping bags trying to re-locate the car park. Scotty's found his wheels. Yours must be near somewhere. GOROAD ROAD@ OUTSIDE COMMON * name the road * x it You're back on the road. With the bonus you got from saving the world again, you've got yourself a 1980s [Volvo]. [Scotty]'s got one too, but his is pimped up and tuned with red plush and flames. The **flash git**. You're both waiting at the [traffic lights] for the green. Scotty's _revving his engine, ready to go_. * burn me up scotty DOROAD * burn me up DOROAD * burn me NOSENSE * pass PASS ENDGAME GOROAD > put player in ROAD HERE2 XHERE DOROAD WIN INCSCORE Scotty wheel-spins away, leaving you in the dust. ENDGAME VOLVO@ THING > put it in ROAD * name the Volvo * name car * name estate * name red plush * name flames * name engine * x it Yours is an estate. It's massive. Plenty of room for moving large furniture and bags of concrete around. * drive it NOCAR * start it NOCAR NOCAR You're stuck on red! LIGHTS@ THING > put it in ROAD * name the traffic lights * x it You always get stuck on red. ENDGAME \n\n You got to the end! \ Congratulations on finishing the game. You're lucky I wrote this bit because I never expected anyone to put up with this nonsense for this long. \ **Well done.** DOSCORE \ Oh wait, I nearly forgot. What about the sex and violence you've been waiting for? BONUS GAMEOVER BONUS= *?PASS NOBONUS * DOBONUS NOBONUS LOSEALL \ Sorry, but you passed on a few. Perhaps next time. DOBONUS MORE images/infocomad.webp WINALL \ **You're going to have use your imagination!** But congrats! ////////////////////////////////////////// PHASER@ GETTABLE > put it in player * name a dead phaser * name battery * x it XPHASER * fire it XPHASER * shoot it XPHASER * charge it No time for that now. * repair it XPHASER XPHASER< * The battery is dead. * The battery is _totally_dead. * There is no way to charge or repair the phaser. * The phaser won't help you in this game. * Just leave it about the phaser already. SCOTTY@ MAN * name Scotty * name mr scott * name flash git * x it TALKSCOTTY * talk to him TALKSCOTTY * listen to him TALKSCOTTY TALKSCOTTYIN * Say Cap'n * I haz an idea * Hey TALKSCOTTYOUT * Waddaya think? * Pretty good huh? * Not a bad idea eh? * Worth a try anyway. TALKSCOTTY "TALKSCOTTYIN, TALKSCOTTY1 TALKSCOTTYOUT" TALKSCOTTY1 * if we bypass the anti-matter dampeners, we might get to warp 10. * there could even be a parallel universe where Spock has a beard. SPOCK@ MAN * name Spock * x him TALKSPOCK * talk to him TALKSPOCK * ask him about THING TALKSPOCK * ask him about tricorder It's a thing I wave around to look clever. Get your own! TALKSPOCK "TALKSPOCK1" TALKSPOCK1 * Fascinating captain. * This is totally illogical. * Highly illogical. TRICORDER@ THING > put it in spock * name the tricorder * name button * x it It's that thing Spock waves around to apparently scan things and appear clever. But have you noticed it's got like _one_ button on it. * use it NOTRICORDER * press it NOTRICORDER * push it NOTRICORDER * get it NOTRICORDER NOTRICORDER Spock won't let you. BONES@ MAN * name Bones * name dr mccoy * x him TALKBONES * talk to him TALKBONES TALKBONES "TALKBONES1" TALKBONES1 * It's a bad idea Jim. * It's not life as we know it, Jim. * A cage is a cage, Jim. * I'm a doctor, not an engineer! * I'm a doctor, not a bricklayer. * He's dead, Jim! * Dammit, Jim! UHURA@ WOMAN > put her in BRIDGE * name Uhura * name werewolf * x her TALKUHURA * talk to her TALKUHURA * ask her about THING TALKUHURA TALKUHURA "TALKUHURA1" TALKUHURA1 * Sorry Captain. * No messages from here Captain. WINSOUND&# * audio/yay.ogg:volume:50 * audio/woow.ogg:volume:50 * audio/fanfare.ogg:volume:50 * audio/chime.ogg:volume:50 * audio/cheering.ogg:volume:50 * audio/cash_register.ogg:volume:50 * audio/applause.ogg:volume:50 WINALL * audio/cheer_long.ogg:volume:80 LOSESOUND&# * audio/whah_whah.ogg:volume:50 * audio/truck_horn.ogg:volume:50 * audio/splooge.ogg:volume:50 * audio/klaxon_ahooga.ogg:volume:50 * audio/gasp.ogg:volume:50 * audio/disconnect.ogg:volume:50 * audio/clang.ogg:volume:50 * audio/buzzer.ogg:volume:50 * audio/boo.ogg:volume:50 * audio/boing.ogg:volume:50 LOSEALL * audio/laugh2.ogg:volume:80 WIN WINSOUND * **Correct!** * **Well Done!** * **Good Answer!** * **Well Played!** * **Nice One!** * **Correctamondo!** //////////////////////// HELP /////////////////// HELPME * HELPMISC * HELPTAUNT HELPTAUNT# * Oh come on, it's easy! * Concentrate harder. * It's on the tip of your tongue, you just know it. * You'll kick yourself if I have you tell you. * You can type **pass** if you're really stuck. * There are cheats available for a small fee. * Try going through the dictionary. HELPMISC& * All the answers begin with "B". * The answers are all similar to "Beam me up Scotty." But not that, obviously. * Answers do not necessarily start with a verb. * Remember, If "Beam me up" works, "Beam me" is not accepted.